Thursday, October 22, 2009

Lost..

Someone has asked me once "What kind of person are you?" We were walking, I stopped , I was shocked! Beleive it or not, I didn't know the answer! This is one of the hardest questions you can ask me about, because I really feel that I'm two souls inside one body.
A part of me is such a dork nerd, "eh, just lie down and chat with whoever, why to go out? why to do new things? no need!" those were the most common words that this part has never stopped telling me. "Come on Ala! Let's try this! Just do it!" Those were the words of the other advernturous part.
I won't hide that I'm still lost, I won't hide that I don't know the answer yet. Hopefully days can drive me the answer. Everytime I meet new person, I have this fear, the fear of him asking me this question, some did and "I don't know" That's the answer they get from me. I feel weirder and weirder when any of them replies "How don't you know?!" With some 'astonishment' on their faces, it makes me feel lonely I feel like I'm the only one suffering from this lost! Am I?!

Other situation I face is that some people 'friends' after knowing them for years they tell me " oh Ala! We are still discovering you! How many faces do u have?". I wonder if it's related to the problem above mentioned or not?! It doesn't make me feel good when someone I thought s/he knows me the best. I feel after hearing these words that I was tricked by them, or maybe by myself.
Maybe some of you have faced those kinds of problems, and some of you are now saying "Why is he making it a big deal?" Because they don't know this feeling.
It's not a big issue to me anyway, but I just stop by it and think, but -as u know- I still don't know the answer. I'm still lost.

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