bad, bad, bad!

Once upon a time, I was depressed, and it wasn't for like couple of days, I suffered from it for months and months.
It started with me when I came to Malaysia, I felt so lonely and weak, noone to protect me anymore, noone to do me any thing, no friends, nothing at all. Everything was new, everything was strange, people, places, way of acting. Consiquently, it started to grow bigger and bigger each day passes by here, my hair started lossing, I started having eating disorders, I got sick for so many times, I hated myself, I hated everbody, Maybe because they are not useful as they were used to be when I was in my country. So, depression was the refuge for me -how ironic!- how can i make the depression as a refuge? It's like I'm escaping from the desert to the hell!!
Thus, I started bad habits, maybe because I thought those habits will return my power back, or maybe it will -at least- make me forget my situation.
People who knew me before started to notice how far I changed, how I am not the Ala that they used to know, so a part of them advised me. Those advices really made me stop and think with myself about where I am now. I asked myself "Why are you here,Ala?" This question was the 'wake-up-call' for me to get out. But, I still had a big bit of this depression deep down inside me, a big bit I couldn't really escape, so I tried another way to get over it, I opened a blog, a black blog like my soul at that time, no maybe my soul was even darker! I wrote everything inside me, I swore and swore to myself, to the world, to everything. I thought that will make me feel better. Of course it didn't, after a while -actually a couple of days only- I realized how stupid I am by opening this blog, I knew that no one even opened it, and I'm sure that no one has so far and maybe no one will ever open it. But now I think that maybe I needed that blog to releif some of the feelings inside me.

I felt like writing about a bad feeling i felt before a while, then I stopped because I'm a positive thinker now. I don't look to the world by a black sight anymore, because when you do , you won't find anything beautiful, it's like u r wearing a very black sunglasses insomuch they prevent you from looking what's infront of your feet. Now I'm a happy person. Now I face life with a smile, because nothing really deserve to be bothered about, you will be the only loser if you did.